Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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