I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
