we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
