my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
