Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
