we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
