Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she peed on how many people?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
