What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
