I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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