im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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