we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
