Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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