Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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