Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(954): View more from Florida

I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza

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(519): View more from Ontario

duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.

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(225): View more from Louisiana

He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.

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(360): View more from Washington

Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.

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(718): View more from New York

The gym has a pool

(914): View more from New York

my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"

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(425): View more from Washington

She's clinging to me like a horny koala.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.

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(415): View more from California

He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.

(510): View more from California

How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl

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