He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
