even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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