I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize