You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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