Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
