I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize