Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
