Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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