did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I need to calm my uterus...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
