I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
