I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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