Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
