He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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