im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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