who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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