I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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