Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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