We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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