sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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