You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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