Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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