Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
