my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize