Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
