The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
