I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
What a dumb baby whore.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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