This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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