its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
