she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
