You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
