I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
