So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Don't make out with my wife yet
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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