He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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