Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Randomize
