im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize