i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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