She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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