32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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