i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
