I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
