My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
vagina is talking i cant
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
