Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
