I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
