i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize