okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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