I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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