During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
