I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
