id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
