Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
