it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
