Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So much Jack, so little girl.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
