i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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