I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
