you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
