You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
