she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
