Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
In other news, I just burned my penis
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
