Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
