I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Its about making memories worth repressing
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
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