I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
why do cheetos always look like penises
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
