Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
