there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
