You work out of a Hotel?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
