She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
