We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
