Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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