please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
