you would pick up someone in the library
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
