Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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