I just pynch a tree in the face
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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