wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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