if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize