new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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