I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
