I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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