why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
