Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
