And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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