Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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