just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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